I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
