Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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