I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
