defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
