On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A bitchslap is in order.
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