Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
