he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk is a universal language darling
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
