my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You did what with his pubic hair?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
