Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
