Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
