If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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