oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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