she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
