I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Randomize
