So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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