I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
