you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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