I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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