We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think people are normalizing furries
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
