wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
