roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
