He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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