I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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