After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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