I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
