GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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