if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
try to milk me bitch
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
