Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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