Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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