Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
