I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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