I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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