Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
