Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
