I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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