It was confusing and full of hummus
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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