i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
