You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
