goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
