don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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