It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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