If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
