Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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