I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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