We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
These tits shall not be calmed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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