Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
