But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
