Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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