Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
