it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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