Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
