She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
