wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
