i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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